Ep 11 - Flying Solo
In this episode I talk about how the gravity of being solely responsible for my son hit me hard, how there is nobody walking through my door at the end of the day to rescue me and how I can't be my son's dad but I can be the best mom I know how to be.
And just as I was trying to navigate a new life that I didn’t sign up for, my husband unexpectedly ended his. I used to think the worst thing that could happen to me was becoming a single mom until I became a widow. It was an immediate shift from single to solo. And it hit me hard.
In some ways, for me, solo parenting is almost easier. I call all the shots. But at the same time, nobody is walking though my door at the end of the day to rescue me. Nobody is taking him for the weekend, giving me a break. Nobody else is here when shit goes down. To discipline. To explain things. To have my back. To calm me down. To cry to when it all feels like too much. Or to help make all the insurmountable number of decisions required to be a parent.
All I can do is try my best. I can give him opportunities to be responsible. I can try to teach him life lessons. I can make sure he knows how to be a good human and how to take care of himself. I can make sure he has critical thinking skills and self confidence. I can let him fail. I can put my trust in him. I can be honest. I can be a safe place to land. I can be kind and strong and empathetic. I can love him and keep him safe. I can be his mom. I can’t be his dad, and that’s a tough pill to swallow, but I can be the best mom I know how to be.