Ep 12 - No.
In this episode I talk about how I was conditioned to be good and to behave and to not ask for too much, how I recognize that people pleasing was a way to cope in the past that isn't serving me now and how I'm tired of saying yes when I desperately want to say no.
But I was conditioned, like so many woman are, to be good. To behave. To be quiet. Don’t rock the boat. Don’t be greedy or ask for too much. Don’t be ungrateful. Just be happy with what you have. But what if what I have isn’t enough? What if it doesn’t make me happy? What if it makes me miserable? What if I want more?
I am learning to put my needs first and to make sure that what I do say yes to aligns with my intentions. I recognize that people pleasing was a way to cope in the past that isn’t serving me anymore. I wish I would have been more comfortable saying no a long time ago, without using the dead husband card or COVID or any other excuse. It took a tragedy to feel like I had a valid reason to say no.
I am so tired of saying yes when I desperately want to say no. NO. No thanks. Hard pass. Nope. No way. Fuck no. Life is precious. I don’t want to spend any more of my time doing things that make me feel like crap. I want to surround myself with love and compassion and things that bring me joy. So even though I can’t say no to scrubbing toilets, I can say no to obligations and expectations and any other bullshit I can eliminate from my life.