Ep 18 - Unconditional Self Love
In this episode I talk about how I don't always understand why I feel the way I do, how I spent my entire life not feeling my feelings and how unconditionally loving myself means showing myself compassion no matter what judgments or doubts I may have about myself and accepting whatever flaws I think I may have.
I don’t always understand why I feel the way I do. Feelings are still new to me. So I question myself and assume something is wrong with me. I tell myself I am overreacting. Being dramatic. I tell myself there is no reason to be feeling this way.
What if this is just what it’s like? What if this is what it feels like to feel? I mean, how would I know. I have spent my entire life NOT feeling my feelings. I avoided them by busying myself with chores and parenting and working out. I numbed them with alcohol. I disassociated from them by putting up a wall, scrolling through my phone, pretending they weren’t there. And now that I am onto myself and have taken all of those tactics away, there is nowhere to hide. I am feeling every feeling to its full extent. Big and loud and impossible to ignore. What if this is normal?
Unconditionally loving myself means not only showing myself compassion but doing it no matter what. No matter what judgements or doubts I may be having about myself. It means accepting myself regardless of whatever flaws I think I may have. Loving myself with all my gray hair and wrinkles and my insecurities and need for control. All of my meltdowns and setbacks. All of it.