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Ep 20 - The Affair



In this episode I talk about how after I found out my husband died I would ruminate on all the things I should have done, how I found out something that I can never unknow, undo or forget and how I learned that forgiveness was something I could do for myself.


I would wrack my brain trying to figure out what I could have done differently. How I could have stopped this from happening. If I could have said something that might have saved his life. I would ruminate on all the things I should have done when he left me.


The guilt and regret were overwhelming. All I could think about were all the mistakes I made. All the time I wasted trying to hold my tongue and find my place in this new life we were living. All I could think about was how our chance to find our way back to each other was gone for good. And then I learned something. Something that changed me forever. Something I can never unknow or undo or forget.

My husband had an affair.


I’ve always thought forgiveness was about acceptance. I thought it was about letting someone off the hook and excusing what they did to me. I thought it was about bowing down and giving in and condoning what was done. I learned that forgiveness was something I could do for myself. I could put down all the resentment and the shame and the hate. For me. For me to be able to move past this without letting it define me.




Listen to the Full Episode here:


My Messy Little Life Podcast Ep 20 - The Affair

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