Ep 21 - End Game
In this episode I talk about how Christmas morning was my end game and I never thought past that point, how I spend so much of my time trying to just get though things and how I decided that I want to focus on being more present.
We looked around at the overwhelming amount of stuff everywhere and then looked at each other like now what. It was all just too much. I wouldn’t even know where to begin. And it occurred to me that I hadn’t for a second thought past this point. Christmas morning was my end game. And I was just trying to make it there.
I spend so much of time trying to just get through things. Sometimes it’s because of anxiety. I’m just trying to survive whatever it is I am doing, or wherever it is I am so that I can get back to being safe in the cave. Where I can hide. But other times it’s just because I’m planning ahead, checking things off lists, just wanting to be able to say I did it, and moving robotically through life. Telling myself it’s almost over. Thinking about what’s next. Not feeling a thing.
Just like everything else it will take practice being present. Slowing down. Feeling feelings. My natural instinct is to be productive. To multitask. To plan ahead. And then to give myself a hard time about all of it. Looking back, I’m still glad I participated in the holidays this year. I probably could have taken it down a notch. I clearly struggle with balance. I need to work on that. But I want to start focusing on the here and now. The present moment. So if you need me I’ll just be over here doing more yoga and meditating and trying not to think about what’s next.