Ep 29 - Overreacting
In this episode I talk about how with hormone imbalance I have experienced low grade depression, how I got up the courage to rejoin the gym and how I no longer see crying as a setback or failure or an overreaction to grief.
Lately, in my struggle with hormone imbalance, I’ve experienced low grade depression. It’s not only a lack of energy but also a lack of desire. Nothing feels interesting. Nothing feels fun. Nothing feels urgent. I find myself putting off whatever I can. Unable to get things done. I find myself not really feeling like doing much of anything.
I was thinking about when I was teaching classes and working out and how strong I felt. How energized and ready go I was when I woke up in the morning. How good I felt about myself and my body. It gave me something to focus on and served as an outlet for frustration and anger. I missed all of that and realized it’s time to get back at it. It’s time to grunt and sweat and get red in the face. It’s time to feel strong again. It’s time to start over.
So I got up the courage to rejoin the gym. I reminded myself, the same way I used to tell people in my classes, that I can modify. That I can start slow. That I can listen to my body. That I don’t have to be a hero. I just have to show up.
And when I looked at it, I burst into tears, something I don’t do as often as you would think. Not a silent cry. Not eyes filling up with tears. But an explosion. It took my by surprise. Now the old me would have seen this as a setback. A failure. An overreaction after all this time. But the new me sees this as a success. As finally allowing my feelings to come. I see this as the right response to grief. The appropriate reaction to remembering something I lost. Someone I love. And wishing I could have one more moment like this but knowing I never will.