Ep 5 - Am I Healing or Just Hiding?
In this episode I talk about watching a family video from before my husband died, how I struggle with finding a balance between what feels like self care and what feels like avoiding my life, and the judgement I was having for myself for needing to rest.
I just stared at my phone unable to even imagine functioning the next day. All I wanted to do was to crawl under the covers and hide. But here's the thing I struggle with finding a balance between what feels like self care and what feels like avoiding my life. Kind of like when you grab your phone to mentally check out for a minute and the next thing you know and hour has gone by.
Instead of giving myself permission to rest, I was making myself feel like shit. I was giving myself guilt instead of love. Somewhere along the way I picked up the belief that needing rest makes me lazy or weak or depressed. So Instead of allowing myself to relax I was making myself feel worse about it.
I've learned theres is a difference between what makes me feel rejuvenated and what just helps me ignore all the shit I'll still have to do after sitting in front of the TV.