Ep 6 - How I Accidentally Quit Drinking
In this episode I talk about why I was drinking and how alcohol started to consume so much space, misconceptions about what an alcoholic looks like and why I continue to choose not to drink.
I became a widow almost three years ago when my husband died by suicide between Thanksgiving and Christmas. In the beginning, I was living on banana bread, soup and wine. I was in survival mode. If it weren’t for having to feed my son I probably wouldn’t have eaten at all. And at the end of the day I couldn’t get the alcohol down fast enough.
So here I was with this pain in my stomach and the white hot fear that something was terribly wrong. And as much as alcohol calmed my nerves initially, it started leaving me more and more anxious the following day. And in grief, that was the last thing I needed. So I asked myself, “what if I just didn’t drink today?” Truth be told, the very thought of it made me nervous.
Someone asked me recently if I thought I would every drink again. I didn’t hesitate in saying no and here’s why. I know myself well enough to know that I’m not good at doing things half way. For good or for bad, I’m either all in or all out no matter what.