Ep 7 - How Are You?
In this episode I talk about how the three little words "how are you" can be so complicated, how I didn't want anyone to think I was too happy or too sad and how because my husband died by suicide I was afraid to raise any red flags.
Those three little words can be so complicated. How am I right this minute? In general? This week? Depending on the day, I could be experiencing a variety of different feelings and sometimes all of them at once.
I used to avoid the question altogether. I would turn it back around and just repeat “how are you?” Sometimes I would say “okay, I guess” or "today is a good day.” Other times I could only manage “we are doing the best we can.” I didn’t want anyone to think I was too happy or too sad. I would try to find the appropriate amount of mourning, whatever that was.
Because my husband died by suicide I was afraid to raise any red flags. I was careful not to seem too depressed. I tried to appear to have it all together. I didn’t want to concern anyone. I feared that if I admitted how bad my anxiety was someone would decide I couldn’t care for my son anymore. That he would be taken away from me. And that would push me over the edge.