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  • suzannedenigris

pajamas in the carline

the latest in my messy little life

Happy Aloha Friday!

I used to see posts on social media from moms talking about what a mess they were. They would practically brag about dropping their kids off to school wearing their pajamas. I couldn't relate. I used to jump through hoops trying to make everything perfect.

I packed healthy lunches, I wore makeup, I worked out. I baked muffins and picked up dry cleaning and planned pay dates. I went out of my way to get it all done and make it look just right.

My former judgey self would wonder why these women couldn't get it together. Running late, not knowing what day it is, forgetting important events at school, not getting dressed. Now I wonder if there's room for one more in their tribe.

After my husband died, our whole world changed. Schedules and routines got turned upside down. Parenting felt impossible. And widow fog is no joke. It took everything I had to keep moving forward and to just get through the day.

At first I broke all the rules in order to just survive. I said yes to my son just to keep the peace. I paid extra for whatever was easy and convenient. I numbed out the world with wine, Netflix and social media.

At some point it was time to come out of survival mode and try to function again. And when I took a look around me, I realized that everyone is struggling. We are all having a hard time. And we are all just trying our best.

Because of the death of my husband, the pandemic and what feels like a string of never ending migraines, I have had to adjust to seeing productivity in a whole new way. And for someone who loves to-do lists and spreadsheets, it hasn't been easy.

I've learned that trying to plan my days down to the minute no longer works for me. And trying to pile on responsibilities and obligations can be overwhelming. So I try to spread things out over the course of the week. I make sure to leave room for rest and regrouping in between.

I take advantage of the days or moments when I feel productive. I make appointments, tidy up, balance my bank account, text people back and anything else I've put on hold. I make lists. I keep a calendar. And I give myself a lot of grace.

The hardest part about feeling like a hot mess is the way I used to beat myself up about it. It didn't make things any easier. It just made me feel like more of a mess.

Now, I try to remind myself that this is hard and I'm doing it. So if you see me in the carline with messy hair or yoga pants on or like I'm in my own world, mind your business. I'm doing the best that I can. And so are you.

Until next time,


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